Struggling Well With Life

My girls make fun of me, and they mock my man cave. A year ago I had knee surgery, and the doctor told me that I could no longer run as much as I had been. I was told that I had two options; swimming or working out on an elliptical. Now, I grew up at the beach and I can swim, but not with technique. I have never been able to turn my head to the side to breath without getting a mouth full of water. And I am not about to go down to the Y and have some 15 year old kid teach me how to keep this old carcass afloat. So, I was left with the elliptical option. I tried one out and hated it. The work out was fine, but you didn’t go anywhere, and worst of all you aren’t outside. I also knew going to a gym was not going to be something I would ever stick with. The hole thing, and the loss of running actually had me depressed. To climb out of this funk, I had decided to get one of those blasted elliptical machines in our home. As I surveyed the house there was really no place one would work, not just because of size, but a place where the sounds and eventual smells would be accommodated (I am a man without a garage - which is a whole other story). Anyway, there I was, bumbed out, mad at being old and decrepit, with no real options. . . .until, one morning at 3am I woke up with a brainstorm. I have a shed/closet on the side of our house that holds the water heater and a shelf full of paint and tools, small, very small, but just maybe it would work. I measured and realized that if I cleared the space, except for the heater, an elliptical just might fit. Well, it was like child birth getting that machine in that space, but we did it. There is literally not an inch to spare. All of this to say, I was out there in the man cave this morning, and it was hot, humid, and I was tired and irritable, and mad that instead of running past houses through neighborhoods, I am facing a water heater that I never seem to catch up to, and I found myself very ungrateful. What I saw as a rescue and a gift, and a direct answer to prayer several months earlier, was not enough today. I forgot what He has done, and what He has provided, and in so many other deeper and more significant areas of my life. All sweaty and going nowhere this morning I started reflecting on all the times that God has met me in my moments of despair, and I gotta tell you - the time flew. Thankful too, for my man cave!

It is so stinking hot here. I really didn’t think so, until I went to Michigan for the weekend. It was cool, green, and beautiful there. I had the thrill presiding over a wedding for two folks from our church who are so very much in love. There are some great moments in this job! On top of marrying two people who are head over heels for each other, and surrendered to Jesus, I had the joy of a dad/daughter weekend. As the father of the bride was giving his daughter away, I could see my daughter over his shoulder. I am so thankful for her, and the work that God is doing in her life of late. Raising teenage girls keeps you on your knees, but there are moments when I see the Father doing in them, in her, what only He can do - and it is truly a beautiful sight.

I was reading in Proverbs this morning and reminded that “iron sharpens iron”. We need others, we need each other to go the distance in this life. The long haul is a long way alone. I have walked through some dark days of my life very alone, and I have sojourned with friends, and I prefer the latter. I remember when we first moved to Charlotte, and I discovered I was friendless. I had friends, but all at a distance, no one knew me here, and that lack of accountability was concerning. Somehow, the older you get, the more difficult it is to connect. Gone are the days of college when we all climbed into somebody’s car for a midnight pizza run and you end up the best man at your buddy’s wedding. Friendships are tough, and those who stick closer than a brother are farther and fewer between. Taking that step toward others is a courageous move, and almost impossible for many men. God helping me, I made that move and am grateful for the men who have stepped in, and then actually stayed. These men are Terri’s greatest advocates, for they hold me accountable to my commitment to Christ, to her, and to the girls. I am still not the sharpest tool in the drawer, but am grateful for their work in my life.

Wow! I labored today. I woke up tired and bewildered. Many a night I dream the most bizarre and random sorts of stuff, even hysterical, but not last night. I woke up early disturbed in spirit, and it took a pot of coffee, and some time in the Scriptures to get perspective back. Sometimes dreams can be so real, and touch the nerves in such a way that it leaves you questioning if it was a dream or a memory. Even after sorting it out before the Lord, I was so pent up, I went for long run, and worked in the yard until I could barely stand. Grateful to God for truth, for perspective, and after laboring - peace. Looking forward to going to bed early tonight.