Struggling Well With Life

Sort of been dreading mothers day this year. My mom has been gone for two years now, and initially after she had left this world whenever I thought of her I really didn’t feel all that sad. I felt so thrilled for her - no longer weak, no longer a shell of who she was in the prime of her life. I thought of her healthy and happy with Jesus. Whenever she would come to mind I immediately thought how incredibly blessed I was to have a mom, who along with my dad, gave me a wonderful childhood and a great launch into life. Though in recent months, I have felt more dramatically the loss of her presence. A few months back I actually started dialing (punching, no one dials anymore) the numbers to call and tell her something that I thought would crack her up, and realized she can’t be reached. I miss the woman. She was no saint, but she came awfully close at times in the way she cared and loved her husband and her five boys. I miss all the deep stuff, the real grit of our relationship, but what I find myself missing more in recent days is all the common stuff. I had a flashback last weekend as I came in the back door at home and got a wiff of Lemon Pledge. My mom would make spaghetti and meatballs every Saturday night, so on Saturday afternoon when you came into the house the first thing that hit you was the smells of lemon and tomato sauce, usually all the windows were open as she routinely aired out the house (what with a house full of boys that was a necessity) and to to top it off she would have the lid open to the stereo/hifi as Perry Como and Andy Williams would be turned up to just before static volume to serenade her as she cleaned, singing off key and in full voice. That was all mock-able material as a teenager, and Lord knows we mocked, but is the stuff I miss today.