Posted on January 12, 2012 at 6:54am.
I am a journal-er, and have been for decades. Somehow I am able to write things to God that won’t come by literally opening my mouth or my mind in prayer. I have been amazed at times at what has come out of the end of a pen that I was not really or fully aware I was thinking or feeling. Journaling has been a helpful gift and discipline in my pursuit of Christ. Volumes of running commentary on Scripture and the day to day realities and issues of life, which are simply the ramblings of a struggler. As I was adding another volume to the shelf the other day, I realized that all the most intimate and personal aspects of my life were collected in this one place, and most intimate was my decades old conversation with God. This was never meant to include anyone else, even those in my family who may one day stumble upon these after I’m gone. My journaling, praying, was for one purpose - my conversation with the Almighty. And so I sat in front of a shredder and kept what is personal personal. With each volume that filled the basket I felt a deeper connection and intimacy to my first Love.
Posted on January 11, 2012 at 6:52am.
One daughter back to school, and the other leaves this weekend. This new chapter of parenting adult children continues to challenge and surprise me. We are working real hard at not being “instructional”, and I bit down on my tongue quite a few times over the holidays. They need to make their own decisions, and live in the consequences of those choices - good and bad. It’s interesting that the less instructional that we have become, the more inclusive they are about what is going on in their heads and hearts. The conversations we have had over the past few weeks have been a real gift, and give me even greater insight in knowing how to pray for them. Never having it as a goal to be their friend with carrying the weight of being their father, the surprise in this chapter is how they have befriended their mom and me. Somehow they have seen beyond the chauffeuring,, debit carding, and meal providing and have intentionally pursued us as actual human beings with a life and feelings of our own. Their physical absence for the better part of the year has brought an emotional presence within the relationships. This is a fun chapter.
Posted on January 10, 2012 at 7:04am.
You reach a certain age and it is necessary to have annual checkups with your doctor. Last week I went in for the dreaded visit and my doctor/friend asked me for my list. Sad - that I had a list. Sad - that there were more than a couple of things on my list, and sad - that if I didn’t bring my list I may have left the office and forgotten to cover something major. Things change, bodies change, life is so I’ll of change, and yet I wake up today so wonderfully grateful that in all the change around me that I am rooted in the One who never changes. Jesus is constant, faithful, who stands like a strong tower in the chaos of all change, and is never changing. Reminded this morning by a note placed on my Bible by my daughter - Jeremiah 31:3 “I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with unfailing kindness”. Everlasting, the same yesterday, today and forever.
Posted on January 9, 2012 at 6:00am.
Last night was a rare gift. We had a late dinner, and it was just the four of us, and the conversation evolved to where we were each talking about the current state of our relationship with God. Our children know us as well as anyone, and my youngest said as a matter of fact that I do not think God is pleased to hear from me when I pray, and then they both began to Scripturally rake me over the coals for having such a warped view of God. They were absolutely right. I have felt that way recently, and it is dead wrong. How heart warming it is to be reached by the Spirit through the wise counsel of daughters.
Posted on January 4, 2012 at 6:52am.
It’s hard to get motivated to start over. It’s like playing Monopoly and being sent back on the board to start again. The first couple of times you can get excited about the game and view the setback as a challenge, but after a while starting over is just downright discouraging. Though the calendar reveals a new month and a new year, this heart reveals the same man with the same old issues - starting over, coming back, and beginning again. It still amazes and even surprises me that God does not meet me at this starting line again with shame, but with grace.
